Tuesday 17 January 2012

The Finer Things


There comes a point in many of our lives where we’re able to really enjoy the classier things in life. And no: turning 18, buying a cask of wine and playing Goon of Fortune does not constitute ‘classy’. Not even a little bit. I’m referring to the time when you get your first real job and your first real paycheck, and you buy yourself a nice bottle of wine, instead of Passion Pop. Or when you go to a restaurant and get a full meal instead of a side salad with a side of salad. Or buy real cheese instead of cheese slices. Maybe even going to see a show, or a stand-up comedian, instead of watching reruns of Walker: Texas Ranger (Fun Fact #461: it’s one of the cheapest shows to air reruns of, which explains why it’s on here all the time. All the time) while eating noodles and wiping your mouth on the hood of your jumper and your hands on your ‘comfy’ (read: unwashed for 10 months and counting) trakky daks.

Most people around my age would agree that finer things come with the demise of university lifestyle. Sure, we can still eat off paper plates and use plastic cutlery, but that’s just for funsies. Not because we smashed the two plates we had playing My Big Fat Greek Frisbee and bent the spoons out of shape using just our minds. And then I decided to become a volunteer, and watched as my very life devolved before me. No flatscreen TV (for some of us, anyway). No indie bands gigging in town. No comedians. No electricity, currently.

Even our paltry volunteer allowance gives us the opportunity to, from time to time, enjoy the finer things in life. The great and beautiful Pam Beasley had it right. For the more ignorant, it might appear as though a place like Fiji is devoid of opportunities to appreciate these finer things. This is of course completely incorrect, in addition to being horrifically discriminatory. Shame on you. For you see, there are many places in which to discuss books and art and celebrate culture in a very civilised way.

Ye Olde Book Clubbe
Established at a time when adding ‘ye’ and random ‘e’s to phrases and words was totally in vogue, this high-falutin monthly meeting is terribly refined and exclusive. By exclusive, I of course mean expensive. Occurring at the most prestigious (again, read: expensive) dining establishment Suva has to offer, Ye Olde Book Clubbe offers an opportunity for the more high-minded volunteers to come together and discuss great literary works over a meal (usually just the mushroom soup, because the steak is too expensive. Delicious, but expensive). Tie required; pants optional.


Jam Sesh
Affectionately nicknamed ‘IXLing’ by a puntastic member, Jam Seshes fill the live music void. Whilst some pubs and clubs offer music, it really pales in comparison to being in a band yourself. That’s not really a live gig, you say? Only playing for yourselves, you whisper snidely? Up yours. Our first live gig was at the Hilton Special School. Performing to largely Deaf students. And even though my sign language skills are only basic, I’m pretty confident they totally loved us. Don’t believe me? Check out our official tour T-shirt.


Cinema
Village 6 cinemas don’t just show the Hollywood rubbish, no sir. I might only see that stuff, but hey, that’s my own fault. Because there’s so much more on offer. Bollywood, for a start. Even a Korean film festival. And then of course most recently, an epic shadow puppet showdown during a city-wide blackout.


…Fiji
Alright fine. We don’t have an opera house. The tallest building here is about eight storeys high. An orchestra would serve only as some sort of science experiment testing the effects of saliva on mould growth in wood and brass instruments. But you know what? That’s OK. Because there are plenty of fine things here. And I don’t just mean the 5 star resorts, although they’re not so bad either. The food’s pretty amazing, the company is truly stellar, and let’s face it, what’s finer than a tiny tropical island with white sand and snorkelling and sunshine?


And there you have it. The finer things.

This does not mean I don’t want care packages with fine things (i.e. chocolate) in them anymore. I still do. Bigtime.

Monday 9 January 2012

Return from Hiatus

Last year was a cracking big one for new kid on the block Stiji. In eight short months he’s become a household name, yet is nothing if not humble. The young superstar recently took time off from his busy life to reconnect with family and friends. The Fijiwood Reporter was lucky enough to be granted an exclusive interview with Stiji upon his return a few days ago. This reporter was so starstruck by the meeting, he’s only now publishing it. Stiji reflects on the last eight months, his time off, and his hopes and dreams for the next chapter of his life. Read the interview after the jump.

TFR:    Well Stiji, it’s certainly surreal sitting across from you right now. Right off the bat, I have to say it: I’m a huge fan. You’re amazing. I love you.
Stiji:     (Laughs uncomfortably) Uh, thanks. Thanks very much. It’s certainly nice to be here.
TFR:     Now the pleasantries are out of the way, let’s get right into it. So. How are you?
Stiji:     Isn’t that technically a pleasantry? But it’s one I’m happy to answer. I’m good. Really good. Obviously 2011 was a fairly amazing year for me, and the experience isn’t over yet. I can’t say that it’s all been easy, and the last eight months have definitely been laden with frustrations in some ways, but on the whole it’s been such an incredible time for me that I can’t not speak highly of it.
TFR:     Let’s delve into that. It’s been a near-supersonic ascent into stardom for you. What would you have said if someone had told you a year ago you’d be here now?
Stiji:     A year ago? Well, this time a year ago I’d been accepted into the program, so I pretty much knew exactly where I’d be. But I think I know what you’re trying to get at. Whilst I definitely had expectations of this last eight months, it certainly hasn’t turned out as I imagined. I mean for starters I thought I’d be living on a beach swimming every day off perfectly white sand beaches. It turns out I’m living in one of the rainiest cities on the planet which is built adjacent to a man-made harbour full of all manner of nasties.
TFR:     But surely you get to the beach. You’re looking wicked tanned. And you’re in such great shape. How do you do it?
Stiji:     I do get to the beach during my down time, yes. It’s definitely a great source of relaxation for me. And thank you. You’re like the third Fijian to comment that I’ve lost weight. And I’m pretty sure to do that is cultural taboo, so I must be doing something right. All I’ve done for the last month is eat cheese though…
TFR:     Yes, this last month of yours. You went back home, reconnected with your family. Talk us through that.
Stiji:     Well I wouldn’t call it ‘reconnecting’. I have Skype, so we chat fairly regularly even while I’m away. But the rest is true. I did spend the large part of a month back home, and it was really great. I enjoyed the family time, particularly with my new niece, who is just adorable in every way, and I was also able to catch up with new and old friends. So all in all it’s been swell.


TFR:     Any particular highlights?
Stiji:     Eating all the aforementioned cheese. And I did enjoy a rather amazing mixed grill early on: steak, lamb cutlet, wagyu sausage, prawns. The coleslaw was pretty average though.


TFR:     On the subject of food, your love affair with Eggs Benedict is a well known fact. Some restaurants have even renamed the dish ‘Eggs Stijidict’. How was it going back to old haunts reigniting that love?
Stiji:     I’m not allowed to swear on this, am I? Eggs Benno and I were never reunited during my trip. It’s a needless tragedy and I really don’t want to talk about it. Move on.
TFR:     Tragedy indeed. I’m sure the nations mourn along with you. But you’re back now, and I’m sure your myriad of projects are back in full swing already. Can you give us any hint of what the rest of the year might bring?
Stiji:     Life as usual, really. I’m not big on following formula, so my fans shouldn’t be expecting things to end with a bang, or for there to be any kind of increase in suspense leading to some massive climax. In actuality, things are really beginning to wind down. There’s only three and a bit months left here, so I really need to begin the shutting down process soon, emotionally and professionally. Of course, professionally, I’d need to actually do something in order to close it off, but still. I have my side projects which will hopefully come to fruition this year, and of course planning the next phase of my life. To be brutally honest, the biggest things on my mind is planning the remaining weekends I have left and deciding how to use my pathetically small download quota.
TFR:     Feel like putting any spoilers out there on the interweb for us rabid fans?
Stiji:     I HATE spoilers! Do you have any idea how much they ruin EVERYTHING? Seriously, all these geeks and freaks and paparazzi who go out of their way to glean as much as possible from everything little thing. And for what? Who wants to go into a movie knowing the plot twist? Heck, who wants to go into a movie knowing EXACTLY what the new Spiderman costume is made of and which universe it best represents? And don’t even get me started on people that ruin TV shows. Just because I’m a little slow to watch some things, doesn’t mean it deserves to be spoiled for me. Come on.
TFR:     So that’s a firm no then.
Stiji:     Very astute of you.
TFR:     Well thank you Stiji for your time. All the best for the coming year. I’m sure I speak for us all when I reiterate your awesomeness, and wish you all the best in your future endeavours. We’re all totally pumped to see which direction you head next.
Stiji:     Thank you. Or, as they say here, vinaka.
TFR:     Lame.
Stiji:     Quiet.

Stiji’s mid-season premiere is airing now. Check it out. Or not, whatever. He’s cool.


Happy happy clap times!