Monday 19 September 2011

The Art of Caring

Hi, I’m actor Freud Velour. You might remember me from such movies as Project Echo Nine Beta and Hibiscus Festival March. My particularly rabid fans out there will also know the work I’ve done under my alternative name: Pierce O. Junk. Today I’m here to talk to you all about the Care Package. Kids, the Care Package has been around for thousands of years, since Cro-Magnum man left excess manure outside others’ caves during winter months to ensure their friends had enough fuel to burn. Of course, many experts see this instead as the first evidence of the practical joke rather than a care package, but I’m not here to get bogged down in details.


Care packages come in many shapes and sizes, both figuratively and literally. For people living away from home, outside their comfort zone, or in a cave with potential manure outside, Care Packages are critical to emotional and physical wellbeing. In addition to providing the recipient care in the form of a package, Care Packages also provide a sense of fulfilment and generosity to the sender of the Care Package. It’s a win-win situation! So come on kids! Let’s hop inside this large imaginary Care Bear, and take a journey though time and space…and caring.


Wowee! If we look to our left we can see none other than a Facebook message. Facebook messages are quick and easy, but are still considered to be Care Packages by many. They’re fairly common out here, but it’s always nice to see one heading towards an inbox. Even though they only take a couple of seconds to write and send, Facebook messages can nevertheless instil a sense of gratitude and self-worth in the recipient.

If you look carefully beyond that herd of Facebook messages near the lake, you might be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of a flock of emails in the long grass. Emails are fairly common too, despite the fact they take longer to craft. In recent times, Facebook and emails have interbred, which makes sending longer, more personal messages to loved ones away from home even easier.

Up there in the trees! It’s a Skype conversation! These are very rare creatures, usually only found between family members and close friends, although on the odd occasion others will make use of them. Skype conversations are invaluable, not only for seeing friends in real time, but also in showing your loved one that you are a loved one. When people take 30 minutes to an hour out of their lives to have a proper conversation with you, wherever in the world you might be, it’s a special thing. Also, having a ridiculously cute baby to show off is 100% successful in improving the recipient's smile and laughter rate.


Now quiet down, kids. These last couple of Care Packages are so rare, we may not be in lu- oh look! Behind that waterfall you can see the brown boxy snout of a physical package! The size and shape of these vary drastically, from something as small as a letter, to a box large enough to fit T-shirts, chocolate, nutella, vegemite, a CD, or a Canada pin. Physical packages, in addition to showing the recipient you care in time, energy, and thought, also prove the recipient is worth a certain monetary amount. There is also the added benefit of getting physical mail: despite years of electronic messages, there is still a thrill in finding something as rare and personal as a proper package in your mail box!

The thrill of finding a physical package depends largely on the amount of chocolate found within.
One more form of care package to go. Tread lightly, Care Bear, we don’t want to scare away such a rare specimen. We sometimes see them at dusk preying upon physical packages. There! Did you see that flash of movement? That, children, was none other than a visit. Visits are incredibly uncommon, and are the ultimate in Care Packages. They symbolise the largest outlay of time, energy, and expense, but the benefits reaped have been scientifically proven to be at least twofold. Visits can be anything from a quick overnight trip to several nights fully paid for in a five star resort, and will often include other forms of Care Packages within them, most commonly physical packages in the form of letters, cards, and chocolate. Because visits are usually conducted by only the closest of family and friends, they are incredibly special creatures and should in no way be sneezed at.

Visits that occur at a place like this are the best kind.


Well, it’s time to get out of the Care Bear and back on solid ground. I hope you’ve all learnt something about the Care Package, and what it means to its recipient. I’m actor Freud Velour, and I’ve been your guide through this zany land. Catch me on my newest instructional video: The Dos and Don’ts of Mongoose Milking. Good night.

I know, I know. It was another weird one. But come on, who would've thought to combine The Simpsons with Care Bears? I'm pretty sure that's a form of genius, right there. My humble and sincere thanks to all those who have been kind enough to send me any of those care packages during my time in Fiji. Your thoughts, words, gifts (namely chocolate) are all massively appreciated. Aw, look at me, being all genuine. Aaaand I just ruined it.

Thursday 1 September 2011

Side by Side Comparison


Tim Tams. Often referred to as the bounty of the gods (OK wait, that probably steps on the toes of Bounties and Ferrero Rochers, but whatever). Also known as the one and only foodstuff my dad stockpiles in the event of some sort of apocalypse. Although I guess toilet paper is edible as well. I’m going off message again. Sorry. But we’ve established that Tim Tams are yum, and my dad’s definition of retail therapy is buying toilet paper and chocolate biscuits when they’re on sale.

Fiji, being a thoroughly cool and hip country, has its own version of the Tim Tam called the Tymo. They come in normal chocolate, mint, orange, and coconut flavours. However, every now and then you might just find Tim Tams on the shelves of the local supermarkets. This happened today, and caused quite a stir (not on the streets or anything, just in my life). It provided me with the unique opportunity to sample both biscuits side by side, mouthful by mouthful.

Is this lame? Is this something lame people do? Who cares. I’m doing it anyway.



Packaging

Both Tymos and Tim Tams are professionally packaged, and are obviously marketed to look attractive to prospective buyers. Tymo packaging doesn’t quite have that glossy sheen Tim Tams do – which is more a reflection on marketing budget than anything else – but both definitely appear to be delicious snacks worth your purchase.

Physical Description

Ostensibly the same biscuit, Tymos and Tim Tams still appear slightly different to the casual observer. Both are of similar size, shape and weight. Some may prefer the Tim Tam’s smooth surface to the Tymo’s more ‘rough around the edges’ approach to biscuit confectionary, but really, that’s up to the individual. The innards of both biscuits are similar in appearance but likely not in ingredients (you really think I can be bothered looking at the recipe thingy on the back? Please): chocolate coated biscuit with a flavour-of-your-choice-filled centre. No surprises there.



Range of Flavours

As stated previously, Tymos come in four distinct flavours. Unfortunately this in no way measures up to the vast range that Tim Tams have to offer. However, where Tim Tams have double chocolate, coffee, dark chocolate, blackforest, white chocolate, white-chocolate-coloured-pink-to-support-breast-cancer-awareness, and choco-vanilla, Tymos have coconut. And mint, but that risks getting into a whole different argument regarding Arnotts’ Mint Slice or Drop or whatever they’re called, and I’m really not comfortable getting that political. They also have orange flavour, but that’s not something to brag about. To make a point of all this, both brands offer something different: Tim Tams are more decadent and sedate, where Tymos offer something a little more adventurous and wild.

Taste

Which is really what it’s all about, isn’t it? Tasting both Tymos and Tim Tams one after another (and another, and another, but you don’t need to know the science behind the experiment, except that it was rigorous) yielded some interesting, albeit unsurprising results. The ingredients constituting both brands may be somewhat similar – sugar, flour, cocoa etc), but the quality of ingredients differed vastly. Tim Tam chocolate was nicer, more chocolately. The biscuit was more firm, and crumbled in my mouth precisely when it should have. The creamy centre was creamier than Tymos, and more satisfying. Having said all that, both biscuits were a little stale. This is normal for Tymos, and I’m sort of glad Tim Tams suffered the same fate.

Overall Score

How can one be objective when it comes to scoring a biscuit? One can’t, which makes the whole test quite meaningless. Much like the majority of this blog. Sure, Tim Tams are better made because they have more funding for marketing, as well as higher quality ingredients. They also have a bigger range to cater for all tastes (all tastes categorised under ‘sweet’, that is). But you know what? After four months of not having Tim Tams, Tymos are pretty great. They still look good, and sure, there aren’t as many options, but they’re still a chocolate biscuit. And there are a heck of a lot of places in this world where you can’t even get that. Yeah, sometimes I’ve taken a bite of a Tymo and cringed at how stale it is. Sometimes I’ve wondered why I even bothered buying a packet (I’m looking at you, orange flavour). On the whole though, I’m glad I’ve got Tymos. Tim Tams are great, and I look forward to eating them in the future, but for now, Tymos it is.



*SPOILER ALERT* For readers in the far off future who understand what it is to be meta: I’m hoping you totally understood that this whole post was a ridiculously clever and somewhat poignant allegory of my experience thus far in Fiji, where Tymo = Fiji and Tim Tam = Australia. You absolutely have my blessing to turn this entire blog into a movie written and directed by a cryogenically preserved/clone of Joss Whedon. I just think he gets me.